Why the Perfect Gal/Guy is hard to find?

To my young friends who's below Ted Mosby's age,

Many a times, we complain that there's no perfect girl (or guy) for us, and that they exist only in stories. Well, it's true. To know why this is true, read further.

Note: This is a mathematical analysis of why it is so hard to find the Perfect Girl (or Guy). However, it's not so tough, if you've some background in probability.

List down all the attributes that you see in your perfect girl. Taking my example, here's a list for the perfect girl, in no particular order. (Girls can follow the same exercise too).

1. She is cute
2. She is kind
3. She has beautiful eyes
4. She is intelligent
5. She is caring
6. She is smart
7. She is highly educated (at least a master's degree)
8. She is sexy
9. She is innocent but not so innocent as to be stupid
10. She is tall but not taller than me
11. She has a great sense of humor which match my type of humor
12. She comes from a good family
13. She belongs to one of Zodiac sign - Pisces/Scorpio/Taurus/Virgo
14. She is elegant
15. She can hold a witty, intelligent conversation with me for hours
16. We speak a common language
17. She is independent
18. She has read "Lord of the Rings" and enjoyed it
19. She has read "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and enjoyed it
20. She has heard of Terry Pratchett
21. She loves music
22. She loves movies
23. Pink Floyd is one of her favorite band
24. She is a Star Wars fan
25. She loves Dilbert, and/or Calvin Hobbes
26. She loves dogs
27. She likes the rain
28. She likes flowers
29. She is not cynical about love
30. She likes art, and loves to paint/sing/dance/photograph/write.

Now, consider this. The probability of each attribute finding in a girl is 1/2. (Ask yourself if the girl has the attribute or not. The answer is yes/no. I mean, you either find a girl cute or not, there's no middle part).

Now, all these attributes are independent. So, the probability of meeting your perfect girl is a whooping (1/2)^30 or 1/1.07 billion.

Considering that the world's population is currently at 6.6 billion, and considering 50% of these are women, and of these, 50% are eligible, and in the correct age range (+5, -10 years), and considering life expectancy is 75 years and that women's ages are distributed uniformly, the universe of women where you'll find the perfect one is

50%*50%*20%*6.6 billion, or, 320 millions

Now, multiply the probability of finding the perfect girl with the universe of eligible women, and it becomes

1/1.07billion * 320 millions = 0.3

So, if you've around 30 attributes that you seek in your perfect girl, you'll find only 0.3 eligible girls in the entire world, and since girls come as wholes, that number just goes down to 0 (zero), or impossible.

But the good news is, if you can reduce the attributes to just 20, the number of eligible girls improves to 305, still a very small. If you can further reduce down the attribute to 15, your chances improve to 9765. However, if you restrict the attributes to 10, it is a dramatic improvement to 312,500 girls, and with 5 only, it is 10,000,000 girls.

The point is not to stop looking for the Perfect Girl, but to rather limit the attributes that you look in a girl to a very very small but important ones to improve your chance.

So, when someone asks me (again) what I look in my Perfect Girl, here it is...

1. She has beautiful eyes

2. She is caring

3. We speak a common language

4. She is innocent but not to the point of stupidity

5. She can hold a witty, intelligent conversation with me

6. She is cute

(If you're wondering how many girls exist, according to my calculation, it is 5,000,000).

My point is, my young friends, lower your expectation and you'll see lots more eligible girls than you think.

Ciao,

Bij

The Cricket and The Wanderer - A light musical

The leaves are washed with the moon's light,

And the only sound is the sound of the night.

The wanderer's eyes fell on the cricket,

Singing its song in the wild thicket.

Alone, and clueless - beholds his sight.

"What is it that you are doing?

Wasting your time just singing?

Why don't you do something useful

And make your life meaningful?

Tell me, O Cricket, what are you thinking?"

With a look that only something with antennae can give,

The wise nocturnal thus replies, "You, I sincerely forgive

For your uninvited interruption and arrogance

Stems from your profound ignorance.

Don't you see, this is the way to live!

"Those questions asked for free,

The answers are not for me.

To live is to live in the moment,

Without thinking where your life went,

And thank your stars truly."

Thus saying, the cricket goes to its song,

And the wanderer wonders if he's wrong.

The leaves are washed with the moon's light,

And the only sound is the sound of the night.

And I think the poet has gone far too long.

So stopping here.

Hope you enjoyed it... J

Tortuously yours,

Bij Chabs

A really short honest HR interview

Suppose you're appearing for a job interview for ABC Ltd, an MNC.

Suppose you've spent many countless hours anticipating and preparing and reviewing and practicing and did i mention, reviewing those HR questions.

Suppose you arrive at the interview venue 1 hour early in your impeccably smart suit, with that nice haircut (and makeup), looking and feeling very confident.

Suppose you just find out, they've attached a lie-detector device.

So, here I'm, trying to reconstruct such an interview (from my own and others' experiences).

Interviewer : Tell me about yourself

You: I'm blah blah blah (So far so good... You passed with no beeping sound)

Interviewer: Why ABC Ltd?

You: Well, I've always wanted to work for ABC Ltd. (Beeep) I mean, it's a great company (Beeep). (Now looking sheepishly)... I got my only call from your company.

Interviewer: Ok, that's what we expected. We didn't want to hear any bull shits. That's fine. So, the role that you've applied for - are you really happy with it?

You: Yes (Beeep). I mean I'm not really unhappy with it.

Interview: Alrite. How about the compensation? Are you happy with it?

You: Yes (Beeep). No, but I'm desperate for this job, any job.

Interview: Rite. Thanks for your honesty, we admire honest people here. (No beeps here, the lie detector was only for the candidate). You are hired.

You: Thank you, really appreciate it. (Beeeep)

You run.

A little incident @ the airport

I'm writing this blog from the Imphal airport. The plane from New Delhi is fortunately on time, and considering it's an Indian Airlines flight and given the current fogginess in Delhi, it's a small miracle. Anyways, here I'm in this small airport, which is surprisingly much cleaner and better than many other airports I've seen. The 3 LCD TVs are playing India vs Sri Lanka live on DD National.

Well, a funny thing happened. I thought I saw my ex; she was reading a book. Now, that's an awkward moment, especially so when the break-up hadn't been too amicable. You're also aware of the fact that the sight of your ex didn't extract any emotions from you - neither anger, nor affection, or any emotion at all, except for the awkwardness of the moment, and the hesitation whether to say hello or just ignore her. But it's been more than 5 years now, and you'd kind of think you've moved on, and so, there's no reason of showing attitude or letting ego come in the way. Maybe a little civility will go a long way, perhaps!

So, I just kind of strolled up to her and say, "Hi, ----". She didn't response at first, so I said a little louder, "Hi, ----". She looked up and I saw no hint of recognition in her eyes. I thought maybe it's my new mustache, but a doubt had crept up in me. So, I asked her, "Aren't you, ----?" She said, "No".

Now, if it's not an embarrassing moment, I don't know what is. Especially, if you'ven't been trying to hit on her in the first place. I mean I just sounded like someone who was using a cheesy line which doesn't work anymore (or ever). And this add more embarrassment to my already embarrassing faux pas.

Damn, five years' a long time to forget a face, or confuse someone else's for another one. I know some of you will feel it's unforgivable to forget a face; especially of someone you'd actually felt affectionate to; but funny, all I can think of is, "Thank God!"

[Of course, a tiny little voice made me consider I might be right, and that she might just be trying to pretend otherwise to brush me off, but that's none-the-less embarrassing.]

Smilingly yours,

Bij :)

BrokenNews.com - More CRAP News

CRAP Research surrounded by controversies

From our special correspondent

Blogspace, 8th Dec, 2007: Controversies surround the latest CRAP (Chabs' Research and Publications) research on human's long-term relationships, "Love Marriage vs Arrange Marriage vs Live-in? The final showdown". There has been wide speculation that the research findings have already been rigged by the country's top matrimonial sites. These sites are reportedly paying huge amount of money to CRAP to get a finding which will be more favorable to arrange marriage - a scenario which is important to the sustainability of these sites. It may be worth mentioning that BrokenNews.com was the first one to reveal this news.

This has seriously affected the share price of CRAP which was seen to go down by as much as 25% from last week's closing price. Fearing another Enron-like scenario, Mr. Chabs, Chairman and CEO of CRAP, said, "The allegation is crap. We, at CRAP, will not stoop to such craps. We've a long-standing record of outstanding ethical practice. After all, 90% of our bright MBA minds are hired from the most ethical B-school in the country. They had a whole term of a full credit course on Business Ethics. After undergoing such a rigorous course, no person can be unethical. As we say in CRAP, CRAP is Business Ethics, Business Ethics is CRAP. The two are synonymous." After the chairman's press release, share price started to regain and closed below about 5% from last week's closing price.

Gay right activists protests CRAP research

In another unrelated news, GULABI (Gays Unite Lesbians Association of Blogspace, India) activists were seen shouting slogans before CRAP's headquarter office. Their main grievance was that CRAP's research was only for heterosexuals and so is unfair to them. One GULABI activist (sex unknown) told our special correspondent, "We demand equal rights. With CRAP's research, they are assuming love and marriages and live-ins happen to heterosexuals only. This is so unfair. I thought a reputed and socially responsible company like CRAP will be more sensitive to our cause."

After about an hour of shouting and protesting, a CRAP personnel was seen coming out and took the leaders of GULABI to talk with CRAP's management. When they came out about an hour later, the protest was finally disbanded. Mr. Reshma Pandey, Secy, GULABI, told our special correspondent, "We'd a talk with CRAP's top management and it was a clear cut misunderstanding from our part. They have made it abundantly clear to us that they support our cause." With no way of prying out more information from Mr. Pandey and with threatening looks from sari clad tall activists, our special correspondent got hold of a CRAP spokeswoman. This is what she has to say, "GULABI's concern has been fully considered and taken care of by our GALAXY wing. CRAP has a long-standing history of CSR, and it's our responsibility to take care of each and every member representing our society. As we say in CRAP, CRAP is CSR and CSR is CRAP. The two are synonymous."

Please watch out this space for more news on CRAP's research.

BrokenNews.com - CRAP announces groundbreaking research in sociology history

CRAP announces ground-breaking research in sociology history

From our special correspondent

Blogspace, 7th Dec, 2009: Last night, CRAP (Chabs' Research And Publications), the world famous research organization, announced their latest research undertaking about the pros and cons of long-term relationships. They called it "Love Marriage vs Arrange Marriage vs Live-in? The final showdown". Their research will aim to examine the various intricacies of both forms of marriages and their substitute - Live-in relationship. A spokesperson from CRAP said, "Human beings are social needy animals and so, they have society and needs, and hence, social needs. We aim to give some conclusive answers to one of society's social needs - the long term male-female relationship in the form of marriages and live-in relationships, and the never ending debate of which is best. Our bright MBA lads and ladies will undertake a scientific approach supported by numerous research studies to arrive at a conclusive answer, or at least, provide a breakthrough for more advanced studies."

Teenagers, youngsters , and other unmarried youths are generally looking forward to the result of the research. Sneha Sharma, a dewy-eyed 19 year old student, with a Mills&Boons tucked amongst her Physics, and Chemistry books said, "Finally something is being done about it. My parents are pressurizing me that I get married to this 32 years old old-man. So what if he's the Vice-President of some arbit consumer goods company? If I don't love him, why should I marry him? Now, with CRAP's finding, I can finally give a definitive argument." When we pointed out that CRAP has not published its findings yet and that it can swing anyway, she was nonchalant and replied, "I've always believed in love and love triumphs over everything. Just read Nicholas Sparks to believe me. I already know the answer." When we asked her whether she has someone she loves, she gave us "the look" and walked away without answering.

However, not everyone is happy with the result. In fact the research is met with more opponents and proponents. A much sentimental Retd. Brigadier S.K. Sinha said, "What is the world coming to? Youngsters have no respect for their elders. After all the things we did for our children and all the hardships we faced bringing them up, they run away and get married to some chit of a guy (or a girl). My youngest daughter married against our wish. So what if he's the Vice-President of some arbit consumer goods company? He's from a different state with different culture, language, and skin color. With all the differences, it's a wonder they are even able to communicate. And their children. I shudder to think whether they'll come out with black and white patches. And this crappy research from a company called CRAP will be the final nail to the disintegrating coffin of our society."

Many of the country's top matrimonial sites are also heard to be lobbying against the research by CRAP. An executive from a top matrimonial sites, who wishes to remain anonymous, said, "There's a lot of apprehension regarding this news. If the findings turn out to be against arrange marriage, we might be put out of business or worse, we might have to compete with adultfriendfinder.com. Naturally, the top management is pulling all kinds of strings to shelve the research or at least, get a result more favourable to the future of our company." This interesting piece of revelation has put doubts about the authenticity of the finding even before the research was undertaken. We couldn't reach any CRAP executive for their comments at the time of publication.

Please watch out this space for more news on CRAP's research.

A Love Letter to my Ex

DISCLAIMER: Since my return to the blogging space, I've been writing only serious, deep entries which. I'm sure. are boring my limited audience to death. Truth is I didn't had a single idea where I can write something light and humorous. Then, suddenly, inspiration strikes...

DISCLAIMER 2: The following letter is a work of fiction, and noone, especially my ex-es , should take this as something personal publicly addressed to them. I got inspired, certainly yes, but I'm not addressing to any of you. Honest! Cross my heart! Mother promise!

My love-of-my-life,

It has been three months since we broke up, or rather since the day, you keel-hauled me from our relation-"ship". The experience has hurt me a lot, and left me bruised and completely shattered. I tried hard to forget you, I really did. But I can't, I just can't. Everywhere I go, everywhere I look, I see you and your face only, and it hurts me a lot. Funny, less than a year ago, the same everywhere-I-go-everywhere-I-look-I-see-you-only experience had felt oh so wonderful.

Remember the day when you broke up with me? It was a Friday night. I was so excited that day. I'd just purchased two tickets to the evening show of "The Zombie Holocaust II", my most awaited film of the year, and that too in Gold Class, because I so much wanted to experience the thrill with you. But when I saw you, I knew something was wrong. At first, you told me how great a guy I was, and how I should look for someone more deserving of me. and that you don't see any future with me. I was completely shocked and vulnerable. As an analogy, I felt just like someone's mugged me and took everything including my innerwears, leaving me completely naked with one whole block to walk back home in full daylight. Shocked, hurt, dumbfounded, clueless, and humiliating. I cried for like, 2 hours, until Cyn saw me crying and took me to this bar, so that I can drown my sorrows with beers. When I told him the things you said to me before leaving, he said it's a standard opening move which every girl uses, and told me it's given in a self-help book called "Top 10 ways to gently dump a guy!", which apparently is a best-seller. (Believe me, it was anything but gentle.) He also said there's a counterpart called "Top 10 ways to gently dump a girl!", but it seems it's not so popular. And well, one thing about drowning your sorrows in alcohol. Believe me, it doesn't work. All it does is make you depressingly emotional and give you a bloody hangover the next day, which make the matter worst. Here I go, babbling again, I must have bored you to death. I don't blame you.

Anyway, after a few weeks of self-pitying, I decided to move on and tried really hard to forget you, and get over you. But I couldn't. Whenever I was with my guy frens, and someone pointed out a girl to check out, she would remind me of you. Whenever someone made a ribald comment, I was reminded of our passionate moments. Sigh! And whenever my girl frens tried to console me, I would get all emotional and choked up. The only time I seemed to forget you was when I was sleeping or watching the late night AXN's "Hot N Wild". Everything else just reminded me of you. Hell, even the toilet cleaner reminded me of you. Remember that time when you use it to - sorry, I won't go babbling again.

Well, as it so happens, one night, I was alone in my apartment - brooding and missing you terribly- waiting for AXN's "Hot N Wild" to give me an illusion of momentary peace and relief. But instead of the regular show, they started showing "Shawshank Redemption", which was your favourite movie. So, I started to watch it. I was watching it broodingly and missing you a lot. Then there came this scene when Tim Robbins' character confessed to Red that he had actually loved his wife a lot, only that he didn't know how to express it, and that he drove her away because he couldn't tell her how much he loved her and so, in a way, he killed her. Well, I thought, that's it. That's why you left me. I just didn't tell you how much I loved you. no, I love you. So, here, I'm proceeding to do the same. I hope to the bottom of my heart you'll understand the love I've for you.

Well, I think the best way to illustrate my gargantuan love for you is with a dream I'd bout you, a few days back. You know, I've always liked that word... "gargantuan"... so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. Anyway, as I was saying, I'd this dream and it was scarily realistic. I mean, it was so vivid and felt so real. In the dream, I woke up (I woke up in the dream, not woke up from the dream. Ok?) to find the world infested by zombies. Naturally, I was pissed afraid, but my first concern was you, even though I knew (even in the dream) you'd dump me. I'd to find you somehow and make sure you were safe. So, I fought/slashed/burn/ran/hide/leaped my way to ur place. But I couldn't find you anywhere, when suddenly, I saw you. You'd become a zombie yourself, with grey decaying skin, blood-shot eyes, bloody mouth and neck, grunting incomprehensibly and smelling like a garbage dump. But you know what? It was the most beautiful sight to me. You came walking up to me with the beautiful evening sun setting behind you in that mid-spring day and you were about to give me a kiss or maybe, bite me. I don't know, I never found out. I woke up (from the dream that is, not in the dream).

Now, the dream was all my subconscious feelings for you coming out. God, I realized how much I love you. Here, let me elaborate...

1. Even though I was pissed afraid, I went to look for you even though I knew you'd dumped me. This shows that I'll never let you down and that I'll always be there for you, no matter what.
2. I fought/slashed/burn/ran/hide/leaped through all those zombies. I would have done that only because my love for you and concern for your welfare provided me an inner strength and courage. In other words, you are the most important thing to me right now, even more important than my own life.
3. You'd become a zombie, but you were the most beautiful sight to me. This clearly showed that my love for you transcends all physical boundaries. No matter how you look, or dress, or become fat, you'll always be the most beautiful girl to me. I mean, how many guys will find a zombie beautiful? Not that I'm saying I've a fetish for zombie girls. Yuck! I don't. I usually find them quite ugly and disgusting and horrendous. But since it was you, it was the most beautiful zombie.
4. The scenery when you came was a glorious mid-summer evening, the kind of day when we first made love. With you in my life, I'm sure every day will be like that.
5. And when you were about to kiss me/bite me, I found myself completely surrendering to you. This is the passion I've for you.

One thing I didn't know was whether you were trying to kiss me because you recognized me and loved me, or whether you were trying to bite me because I'd just become another meal to you. I woke up before I could know. As to why I woke up prematurely, I think it's because you are supposed to tell me what happened afterwards.

I know all the above things must have sound quite silly and weird and unbelievable to you. What to do? I don't have a way with words, and you know I'm a geeky nerd or a nerdy geek. Whatever! But I tried my best and with things I understand the best, like zombie movies. But I know, you'll believe each and every word I've written. Because I know you know I know you know that I never lie to anybody, and you very well know that the world will have been consumed by zombies before I tell a lie to you.

So, please, my love... Think carefully with your heart, and answer me... would you kiss me or bite me, my dear?

Your's forever and beyond,

*(name hidden to protect identity)*

P.S. I still haven't seen the movie, "The Zombie Holocaust II" - my most awaited movie of the year.

DISCLAIMER 3: If you still don't comment to this post, I give up!

DISCLAIMER 4: As I've absolutely no doubt about the intelligence of my limited audience, I'm sure, by now, you must have make out that the italicized comments are the author's own comments, and not part of the fictionalized work.

Your's ever and beyond,

Bij Chabs

Diversity in Unity?

Unity in Diversity - That was the motto and vision (?) of our forefathers when India got independence and as kids, those three words were driven hard into our young minds. It means "a motto celebrating co-operation between different groups of people in a single society and socio-ecological philosophy that describes a sense of oneness despite physical or psychological barriers." (Wikipedia) Well, there are some nice words here - "celebrating", "co-operation". "different", "single society", "oneness", "despite barriers". Wow, whoever came up with that definition must have been an MBA graduate!

Indeed, India is an interesting country - different religions, different language, different ethnicity, different culture, different culinary tastes, etc. As you pass from one state to another, you'll find a marked change in the language, cultural activities and culinary taste. As a tourist, or an academician, it'll really be delightful experience. I mean you get to experience different cultures and more importantly, different foods after spending a bit on the road. But are we a really united country? Today, it's more like a diversity in unity.

Insurgency and separatism in J&K and NER, naxalites in east and central India, regionalism in west and south India, the list on goes on. Then, there's the religious divide, which fortunately, is not a big problem now. But what I'm more concern now is the regional divide, which is more dangerous.

Why is there such a divide? Well, for one, India's a heavily populated country and as it happens, with limited resources. Now, our forefathers had a vision that India is a free country and so, any citizen can go anywhere in the country. But there'll always be people who feels threatened when outsiders come to their place. They feel the outsiders are trying to take what is rightfully theirs - lands, jobs, and other resources. They have a one-track mind, and they are jealous of other's prosperity. At the best, one comes to accept and live with these things. At the worst, violence and fights erupt out. One may think these people have a point because the land is where their forefathers have lived for generations and so, they feel they should protect their "home". Is this justified? Hardly! Look at what Hitler did to the millions of jews and other immigrants who came to Germany. It is this mentality which is very dangerous.

Secondly, human beings fear what they do not understand. At the best, people attribute incomprehensible experiences as work of divine happenings, and faith develops. At the worst, people are intolerant and they try to exterminate the things they do not understand. This is the same with cultural and regional diversity. How many of us truly understand the cultures of other people? Do we try to understand them? From my experience, there are lots of ignorant people in the country. And instead of trying to understand why someone from a certain state behave in a certain way, they make fun and joke about certain idiosyncrasies of people from other cultures. Are our egos so bloated that what we do and what we believe is the "only" right way to do things and our beliefs are the "only" right beliefs?

Stereotyping results. And again, from my experience, positive stereotypes are far less than negative stereotypes. Are we so shallow that we see only the negative points? Can't we see the good traits of others? Even in our own personal relationship, we tend to focus on the shortcomings of other people. Is this a result of our upbringing - with huge expectations from our elders that we should be the perfect human being with no faults? As a child, were we criticized more often than praised? Ve we been taught to look for negatives instead of positives? Why so serious?

Take an example. Crimes against women in our capital state are horrendous. Every few days, there's a new case of rape, molestation, and even murder. And according to one finding published in a reputed newspaper, nearly half of these crimes are met out to the girls from Northeast. These "chinkies" (by the way, it's a very derogative term) are supposedly easy and dresses provocatively (remember the Delhi Police guideline on how to dress given out to the North-east students). Is it true? Yes, some of them do, I admit. But two aspects are neglected. Does only the NE people dress provocatively? Are the majority of them dress provocatively? The answer is surprisingly no to both of these questions. So, what does this say? Why are we so blind? Again, we tend to see only the worse. It is damn sad. And it's the same thing in NE. Here also, there are reported kidnappings/killings and other crimes met out to people from other states. Why? Again, the same intolerance.

And the sad fact is these crimes are committed only by a minority of the populace, but the persecutions are born by the majority. The majority doesn't behave or think like that. They are happy to mind their own business and go on with their lives. But we see only the acts of these minority few and we accept it. We don't stop to question ourselves whether what we see is right or wrong.

What has happened to the visions of our forefathers who have brought the independence of our country? (Again, it's a debatable fact whether it was the effort of our freedom fighters or the changing world politics in the mid-20th century which resulted in India's freedom, but I'll not go into that. I don't want to make enemies here, and well, nor the issue here). Our current set of politicians and self-appointed leaders are painfully short-sighted and they have already forgotten that vision of one free united country. Count the number of truly nationalistic leaders in our country now. You'll find it less than the number of fingers in your hand. But what we need is such leaders only and I don't see that happening for sometime to come, especially when the majority of the politicians are so self-centred and the monkeys are pulling each other down (reminds me of the JJJAXI ppt - based on John Maxwell's famous experiment).

I'm sure I'm not the first one to raise these questions, and I'm sure more eminent individuals have put across these thoughts more eloquently. But should one despair because nothing's changed? Well, it requires a critical mass of right-minded individuals to bring about a change. Hence, this post.

So, what can we do as individuals? As a starting point, we can change ourselves and set examples by being a tolerant, positive, open-minded, thinking individual. But more importantly, we need to instil these traits into our children. As blessed educated, free-thinking individuals, we can certainly bring about positive changes to ourselves and to people around us. Come on, speak out.

Bij Chabs