DISCLAIMER: Since my return to the blogging space, I've been writing only serious, deep entries which. I'm sure. are boring my limited audience to death. Truth is I didn't had a single idea where I can write something light and humorous. Then, suddenly, inspiration strikes...
DISCLAIMER 2: The following letter is a work of fiction, and noone, especially my ex-es , should take this as something personal publicly addressed to them. I got inspired, certainly yes, but I'm not addressing to any of you. Honest! Cross my heart! Mother promise!
My love-of-my-life,
It has been three months since we broke up, or rather since the day, you keel-hauled me from our relation-"ship". The experience has hurt me a lot, and left me bruised and completely shattered. I tried hard to forget you, I really did. But I can't, I just can't. Everywhere I go, everywhere I look, I see you and your face only, and it hurts me a lot. Funny, less than a year ago, the same everywhere-I-go-everywhere-I-look-I-see-you-only experience had felt oh so wonderful.
Remember the day when you broke up with me? It was a Friday night. I was so excited that day. I'd just purchased two tickets to the evening show of "The Zombie Holocaust II", my most awaited film of the year, and that too in Gold Class, because I so much wanted to experience the thrill with you. But when I saw you, I knew something was wrong. At first, you told me how great a guy I was, and how I should look for someone more deserving of me. and that you don't see any future with me. I was completely shocked and vulnerable. As an analogy, I felt just like someone's mugged me and took everything including my innerwears, leaving me completely naked with one whole block to walk back home in full daylight. Shocked, hurt, dumbfounded, clueless, and humiliating. I cried for like, 2 hours, until Cyn saw me crying and took me to this bar, so that I can drown my sorrows with beers. When I told him the things you said to me before leaving, he said it's a standard opening move which every girl uses, and told me it's given in a self-help book called "Top 10 ways to gently dump a guy!", which apparently is a best-seller. (Believe me, it was anything but gentle.) He also said there's a counterpart called "Top 10 ways to gently dump a girl!", but it seems it's not so popular. And well, one thing about drowning your sorrows in alcohol. Believe me, it doesn't work. All it does is make you depressingly emotional and give you a bloody hangover the next day, which make the matter worst. Here I go, babbling again, I must have bored you to death. I don't blame you.
Anyway, after a few weeks of self-pitying, I decided to move on and tried really hard to forget you, and get over you. But I couldn't. Whenever I was with my guy frens, and someone pointed out a girl to check out, she would remind me of you. Whenever someone made a ribald comment, I was reminded of our passionate moments. Sigh! And whenever my girl frens tried to console me, I would get all emotional and choked up. The only time I seemed to forget you was when I was sleeping or watching the late night AXN's "Hot N Wild". Everything else just reminded me of you. Hell, even the toilet cleaner reminded me of you. Remember that time when you use it to - sorry, I won't go babbling again.
Well, as it so happens, one night, I was alone in my apartment - brooding and missing you terribly- waiting for AXN's "Hot N Wild" to give me an illusion of momentary peace and relief. But instead of the regular show, they started showing "Shawshank Redemption", which was your favourite movie. So, I started to watch it. I was watching it broodingly and missing you a lot. Then there came this scene when Tim Robbins' character confessed to Red that he had actually loved his wife a lot, only that he didn't know how to express it, and that he drove her away because he couldn't tell her how much he loved her and so, in a way, he killed her. Well, I thought, that's it. That's why you left me. I just didn't tell you how much I loved you. no, I love you. So, here, I'm proceeding to do the same. I hope to the bottom of my heart you'll understand the love I've for you.
Well, I think the best way to illustrate my gargantuan love for you is with a dream I'd bout you, a few days back. You know, I've always liked that word... "gargantuan"... so rarely have an opportunity to use it in a sentence. Anyway, as I was saying, I'd this dream and it was scarily realistic. I mean, it was so vivid and felt so real. In the dream, I woke up (I woke up in the dream, not woke up from the dream. Ok?) to find the world infested by zombies. Naturally, I was pissed afraid, but my first concern was you, even though I knew (even in the dream) you'd dump me. I'd to find you somehow and make sure you were safe. So, I fought/slashed/burn/ran/hide/leaped my way to ur place. But I couldn't find you anywhere, when suddenly, I saw you. You'd become a zombie yourself, with grey decaying skin, blood-shot eyes, bloody mouth and neck, grunting incomprehensibly and smelling like a garbage dump. But you know what? It was the most beautiful sight to me. You came walking up to me with the beautiful evening sun setting behind you in that mid-spring day and you were about to give me a kiss or maybe, bite me. I don't know, I never found out. I woke up (from the dream that is, not in the dream).
Now, the dream was all my subconscious feelings for you coming out. God, I realized how much I love you. Here, let me elaborate...
- Even though I was pissed afraid, I went to look for you even though I knew you'd dumped me. This shows that I'll never let you down and that I'll always be there for you, no matter what.
- I fought/slashed/burn/ran/hide/leaped through all those zombies. I would have done that only because my love for you and concern for your welfare provided me an inner strength and courage. In other words, you are the most important thing to me right now, even more important than my own life.
- You'd become a zombie, but you were the most beautiful sight to me. This clearly showed that my love for you transcends all physical boundaries. No matter how you look, or dress, or become fat, you'll always be the most beautiful girl to me. I mean, how many guys will find a zombie beautiful? Not that I'm saying I've a fetish for zombie girls. Yuck! I don't. I usually find them quite ugly and disgusting and horrendous. But since it was you, it was the most beautiful zombie.
- The scenery when you came was a glorious mid-summer evening, the kind of day when we first made love. With you in my life, I'm sure every day will be like that.
- And when you were about to kiss me/bite me, I found myself completely surrendering to you. This is the passion I've for you.
One thing I didn't know was whether you were trying to kiss me because you recognized me and loved me, or whether you were trying to bite me because I'd just become another meal to you. I woke up before I could know. As to why I woke up prematurely, I think it's because you are supposed to tell me what happened afterwards.
I know all the above things must have sound quite silly and weird and unbelievable to you. What to do? I don't have a way with words, and you know I'm a geeky nerd or a nerdy geek. Whatever! But I tried my best and with things I understand the best, like zombie movies. But I know, you'll believe each and every word I've written. Because I know you know I know you know that I never lie to anybody, and you very well know that the world will have been consumed by zombies before I tell a lie to you.
So, please, my love... Think carefully with your heart, and answer me... would you kiss me or bite me, my dear?
Your's forever and beyond,
*(name hidden to protect identity)*
P.S. I still haven't seen the movie, "The Zombie Holocaust II" - my most awaited movie of the year.
DISCLAIMER 3: If you still don't comment to this post, I give up!
DISCLAIMER 4: As I've absolutely no doubt about the intelligence of my limited audience, I'm sure, by now, you must have make out that the italicized comments are the author's own comments, and not part of the fictionalized work.
Your's ever and beyond,
Bij Chabs
